Malignant Salutations

I won't ever let go, no not me, I can't let go…

Been singing for too long this sweet sorrow, melancholy rendition of a life lost

Twisted and bitter, remember= scars, remember= tattoos, remember...

Life seems slipping some times, sliding at others, being reduced regardless

Shallow and extroverted thoughts bleeding, breeding, burning through the satin wonderland

Why is it that no matter what, all the books end the same? Malignant salutations

Self inflicted infection, twinkling dissection... Scalpel gleaming at Achilles

I took a sip just to taste, I tasted just to feel the burn in my heart, why is she laughing at me now?

A sweet breath of fresh air glides her beautiful lips, I sigh, cry, ask why, unable to deny

I reach out to her with an unbiased and open hand; I grasp her hand in mine

Knuckles white and fears red, she stays burned into my mind, I always see her

Life stands dripping, melting from my fingertips.. I feel the loss of her smile

In these ever changing days we lose our sanity held so dear for so many years, children at play

Crosses hung in high hopes, please protect us Lord, we pray to you for a lack of pain on Earth

Yet we still wallow in this ever agonizing state of self abandonment, emotional spiral

Sometimes I feel as if I am the filth beneath her fingernails, unsightly, unwanted, dirty, removed

A much taken for granted and simple request never answered. Feelings of no worth, waste

Intermittent bouts with emotional paralysis, the day she said I love you is the day she vanished

Thrill brings warped wants out from hiding, evil little creatures of desire, craving chaos

Insipid demise, grants me my so boring death, grant me my sobering death, set me free

So far I am confused and truly have no clue where the day ended and the night began

The moon rests, hanging easy amongst the burn-outs to be... a childlike grin, demon like snarl

Where the Hell is everybody? Where did I lose myself and everybody else?

The ashtray is full an my head is on fire, aches to name the day by, start the damn car

Severed dementia engulfs my every free moment (solemn bow to the overly-depressed)

Interesting looks on interesting faces, are they staring? Why? I have nothing to show them

Empty arms across an empty chest, lay worthless across naked breast; never will I be the best

The leaves changing, turnings, the blessing of the seasons, throw away all these silly old leaves

Ever doubt in my life's mistaken identity plea, maybe switch to insanity? How can I win?

Wretched thoughts need be doomed; I wish to erase the vile, inward persecutions- white light

White like snow, white like heat, white like a horse, white like the demon, white across glass

Echo songs of a pleasant memory, sweet nostalgia in an effervescent and floating kinda buzz

Silly boys and silly toys, these girls have run them off… cooties can make you lose friends

When I kissed you the first time, was it better? Was I better? Were you better? Were we better?

These constant malignant salutations, always telling me bye, always feeling to sigh, but why?

A sweet breath of fresh air glides her beautiful lips, I sigh, understand why, and live to deny

I don't think anything ever made any sense, yet I still play along, foolish lil white lie…

Or is it the "butterfly effect"?, ever seeming that one small word or gesture can ripple the world

They say "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned", yet Hell hath no pain like a broken heart

Unless Hell will be as it is on Earth, and I'm forced to feel that pain constant, forever, now

Fleeting through tired cells of disillusion and of self abandonment, the lines are fading

Look out at me through the glass, as I shall watch you through the snow, together, so far

Cracks rest easy across the sidewalks and pavement, a shallow pothole is filling with rain

I can't see tomorrow, and I seem to have lost today, please don't ask me about yesterday

The room is getting smaller and there is no more door, yet, my eyes see freedom?

What kind of ridiculous interpretation could this possibly be? Emotional suicide, die, dead

My severed dementia engulfs my every free moment (solemn bow to the overly-depressed)

Enveloping simple yet catastrophic little letters all arranged nicely, thinking again? Too much

Invasions in my mind, intruders that eat everything in the fridge… houseguests in my head

I pulled the drain stopper and my brain went spiraling out of my ear, ahhhh… silence!

There used to be beer cans & whiskey bottles banging around in my head, telling me what to do

Seems like most people, why wouldn't they just shut up?

Visions fade, as do these scars, as do these memories, as does this body and mind... Love left

Some things can't fade, and won't... just linger to keep us shackled, even more so insane, biting

Twisted realities and deceptive words, sinister plots to omit the necessary and to fool the hearts

Some see sickness feeding, others are feeding the sick, and some just don't matter

Axes in my skull, thoughts, splitting and painful… give me pills, and maybe she'll go away

Maybe I want her to stay, emotional suicide trip once again... time to feed the stupidity

Interstate miles stretch like my mind, not enough butter for too much bread

Hollow cries and misfit eyes even still my dying lies, I am blind

Simply mistaken again, I have presented myself with another royal fuck up, bliss, remorse

Ever changing these vicious cycles of love and lust, the search for the other half, rejection close

Slipping down the icy steps I fall into the cold hard street, its beginning to snow again

She sits looking at me through the window, as I sit bored in the snow looking back

I just want to feel yesterday, the yesterday of my choice, take today an keep it, I am done

I want that warmth and security, the feeling of "it'll all be ok"

I want that feeling of knowing somebody loves me and would die or kill for me, not worthy

Never-ending stretch of desert highway, and the likeness of all my attempts at peace

Seems I won't ever get ahead, not this time, not this race, this game just ain't for me

Somehow, I must have lost the game before I began, I don't remember messing up, just the loss

Stained and jaded, I don't see her through that window much anymore, moved on…..

In the snow alone now, nobody to look at while bored in the street, now I really feel alone, lonely

Twisted realities and deceptive words, seems everybody wants to hide something important

Simple infatuations spawn decade long battles, some fight for love, some fight to fight, some die

I feel like yesterday's train wreck, tracks all sideways and cars everywhere.. Twisted metal

The sun would have more beauty if it didn't represent the loss of my dreams, a new day to face

Here we go again, another day to survive and thrive through, why? For who? Me? Why?

Can you please find me a reason to wake up? I have a wake up call, but nothing to do, just live

Ecstasy rests in obsolete and trivial things, what matters most is what I can't see, hidden

The day they took the fun away, I was late and didn't get any... Now it's hidden and I'm stuck

I try to make my own fun, but its forever taken away, usually for no reason I know

Sunken cheeks and hollow eyes, I think I was awake too long that day, nothing makes sense

I go over it all in my head again and again but can make no sense of any of it, distraught

Chipping at destiny, I try to inch closer to what I am not supposed to have, determination

Just as times before, I will chip away and fall short at some point, nothing is ever good enough

But try and try again, my effort has not faltered, just my very being I guess, unworthy

Things that I see people take for granted seems to just make me sick, ingrates that "expect"

Yet one willing to fight and try always falls short, no prize, no pat on the back, no, nothing

In my punishment I find my pain, if I could go out and play, the pain would go away

Every time I try, she leaves, and I am alone to be by myself and remember what she last said

Everything inside of me has a piece that's missing, so many voids and misconceived souls

The sky is blackening and my mind clouding once again, mysterious and vague

I feel like forever waiting for tomorrow to get here, but can't get past yesterday

When was today? I don't even remember waking up, or am I still dreaming? Nightmare

Falling headlong into an abyss with no name, I would look back if I had any sense

No luck there, headfirst like a child that just learned to dive for the first time, sloppy

All these visions I see, scenes of you, these pictures in my mind's eyes, sweet lullabies

I see intertwined and melancholy images of a bitter sorrow that swallows, eats me whole

I ask incessantly, and with vigor I am denied, as a child that knows better than to even ask

No longer these enigmatic silhouettes of despair, mannequins of glee, and statues of regret

Sadly singing sweet sister seeing certain self satisfaction, suffering, sinister, sly, and slanted

So many forked tongues graze olive oiled words, slippery silken words of hate, sweet abuse

Every time I lie, she knows and she laughs, the upper hand, woman, all seeing and sensitive

The woman always knows, men and their ridiculous fibs, trust? Chipping away at it daily

She sees through the lie and uncovers the ace of spades, trumped again, I must admit

Breaking the cycle seems so unimaginably difficult, strength and discipline.. I must change

In this change must bring a new me, I must not perpetuate the sickness beyond its own years

The sickening chain must break and lose a link in me, where I will hold it until I die

I refuse to be the enabler of the next generation, my next generation, my unborn child

Love without pain, silly, pain without love, a waste of time, love and pain play hand in hand

Waves come crashing up against the sand, a whistle in the wind, sometimes I hear her voice

An echo of life's long lost past, the foreshadow of the days to come, lost in another daydream

I stare up at the stars and ask the sky why, why does the night never bring the next day I need?

Next day sure, not the one I need and been needing to let me bask in that sun would be eternal

Again I am faced with the fact that a dream is a dream, and I must wake to face this next day

Wasn't I dead last decade? Do I have to be dead through this one too? Or will I die in it?

Thinning hair and whiskers that grow in much faster, seems a reversal of growth, death creeps

These tattoos and scars keep up the banter while the bottles dry up and near their tragic end

Miles and miles this distance is defining, ever changing and never giving, strict obstacles

Malignant salutations penetrate my slumbered mind; does she always have to let it end like this?

Every time I see her face, a breath of fresh air glides across the plump satin of her lips, perfection

Beauty in the eye of the beholder leaves no room for anyone else's opinion, and that's fine

Swimming through rivers of drunken rationalizations and bar room epiphanies

The lights are burning out all across town and the streets are empty tonight again

City sleeps, while I sit awake wishing I had the same sleep meds as everybody else

I think I need to put my hand in a blender, I forgot if I could feel anything or know anything

For whatever reason I feel the need to continue sitting here, blatant defiance of my need for sleep

Instead my brain pours out onto the monitor like the batter into the irons at waffle house

Pushed to the ground in a fit of senseless rage, the beginning of "Fight Club" so it seems

These old women sit perched on park benches, maddening, swirls of bread an flocks of pigeons

Feathers and droppings mask the odor of old lady perfume that sits hazing collectively

I don't think I need a reason to feel, just a feeling to reason, emotional paralysis and tired eyes

Self justifiable sense of ever strengthening emotional existence, someone is mind-fucking me

I have not taken a deep breath in over a week, my thoughts a single disappearing track, nowhere

A single track with a million stops, where do I get off? Am I even supposed to get off?

Staring out the window, miles melt into mountains, track never ending, nowhere

Today's masquerade seem s a bit pointless, money wasted hiding behind the mask

That same mask that I wore last year, and the year before, such a lack of variety, bland

My tickets in my hand and a big smile on my face, knowing I am ready to depart, anxious

Who knew the tickets had the wrong time mistakenly printed and I would miss the train?

Stranded next to that never ending track, despair and disarray, desolate and drunken

When the phone rings I must have a good lie prepared, cover my tracks well, stranded

Cover these tracks? How? Sounds like shoveling sand with a spade to build an Atlantic island

Yet I remember a time that not only did I breathe, but I smiled AND was happy, innocent youth

Footprints in the sand, fingerprints on everything I do leaving a trail to follow me down my track

That track that I can't begin to cover, my Atlantic island of a track, stranded next to it, drunken

My unimaginably ridiculous conclusions I come to sometimes just kill me, and relations

The hangover like result of a thinking problem, the loss of love, watching her walk away, mad

I would do anything to be understood as clear as my derangement elegantly displays in my head

Misinterpretations breed resentment and despair, confused partners and unanswered questions

Ever amassing amounts of what we call concern, ever amassing amounts of what we call worry

Ever amassing amounts of what we call doubt, ever amassing amounts of what I call fear

This unattainable chance at greatness, fall short yet again, not for lack of effort or desire

Maybe the folly as a result of being in a state of too much passion, too much drive, need

My lust makes me weak, weak and dumb, a baby's drool drowning the chin, need a pacifier

I see these zombies lining up down my street in single file, order and uniform, standing dead

Robots of the evil minds that plot the turns in fate for the greater good of common man

At least that's what I believe since I just watched the news and the media never lies, love me

Catapulted headlong into a fiery and distant unknown, blazing ignorance upon every forehead

I am always lost, infinitely clueless as to where I am going, misguided forward thrust

If I crawl across the blood strewn highway an make it to the other side, will I be safe?

The biggest question I seem to have is why? Why? Why? … I don't even care how, just why?

When tends to bug me as well, but why simply haunts me, and I want to let go

I cannot feel forever in my hand anymore, fingers numb, rendition of carpal tunnel syndrome

My mind numb like my fingers, I can no longer imagine forever, losing memory of it

My chest aches, I wish the dank was stronger or I had more, anxiety knocking at the door

Walls melting and spiraling away into nothing, black, faded……… blink, light, see

I opened my eyes to see hers looking back, I think I just felt forever again, welcome back

I don't think forever did ever rest within my hand or mind, or even her for that matter

Links lay twisted and pried, malignant salutations and the love of the past

I ran into forever and forgot my own heart back at the depot, scared child, lost alone

Tomorrow floats the breeze before me and I glance across my shoulder, look back one last time

Technicolor bleeds and dies into sepia tones and yesterday closes like the lens shutter on a 35mm

Cigarette burned out, smoke fading like the knowledge of it all, of anything, of nothing




©2007_Sean✗Elliott✗H.®™